My New Life in Malta

One of the things in the world that really annoy me is the media’s way to twist certain “facts” and paint pictures that at some point just become untrue. I will not get into specific examples, because another thing that bothers me is people who are always making political points, but instead I offer a humorous example related to Malta.

This morning I got an e-mail from my friend Carmina, forwarding the latest findings that the Maltese are the shortest and fattest amongst all EU countries: http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/health/6148456.stm . It basically says that most average Europeans are overweight, with the exception of a few countries. The French, Italians, Poles, Austrians and Dutch seem to keep “trim” according to this article. Please note that these countries are only *just below* the cut-off for their definition of overweight. In fact, if you look at the numbers, the BMI (body mass index) is very similar, differing by just a few hundredths of a point. Sadly, the Maltese do top the list by a whole point, so it does seem like in this case there is a substantial difference.

A few months ago, there was an article in the Washington Post about illegal immigration to Malta. (I cannot link to it, as it is now considered too old by their website). It had some choice quotes from Maltese people which made it seem like nobody wants any foreigners here, and how they wish they would all leave. They even interviewed the leader of some anti-immigration group. That day I got a few e-mails as well from friends, concerned that I was about to move to a country that was so xenophobic! Some asked if they would put me in a detention center! However, I knew better. It is the media playing their tricks, I told them. Notice that they ONLY interviewed people who had *extreme* anti-foreigner views. It is hardly a representative sample.

And last month, Malta was in the “international” news because a Gozitan priest was involved in molestation claims by a US politician. More wonderful articles were printed, painting the “Malese Islands” as a place that produces shady priests who molest young boys. One even said that “Maltese Islanders” were in full support of the priest.

What can we learn from all of this, boys and girls? Obviously, Malta is a country of short and overweight xenophobic perverts!! I am glad that I read the news every day and that I am so well informed about this horrible country. I better stay away from those Maltese Islanders as well. They might try to molest me, while standing on a chair, before throwing me out of the detention center and putting me in a boat back to Libya.

I think we should pass a UN resolution condemning Malta.

And remember to believe everything you hear in the news.